This season has truly been an interesting one. Since having my son in July 2024, a lot has changed. I don’t feel like the person I once was and until now, I thought that was a bad thing. This past year was my first on staff at a church and my first year at trying this ministry thing out. To make a long story short, it was filled with lots of self doubt, pitfalls, and imposter syndrome. But, to make a short story long, it was a year of learning to trust God and accepting that I am too weak to do this on my own and I desperately need the LORD to make me whole.
Last year I spent the first 6 months learning my role on staff, navigating pregnancy, and trying to strengthen my relationship with God. The last 6 months were spent just existing and trying to survive life with a newborn. My prayer was that Jesus would bring new wine out of me (cue the song New Wine by Hillsong Worship *which I cried to many nights while rocking my baby to sleep).
My spiritual life at that time took a backseat and once I came back from maternity leave, I felt like I was inadequate on staff. Each staff meeting my coworkers would share amazing stories of how God was moving in their lives and their ministries and I had nothing to contribute. At that time I wasn’t even reading my Bible daily and that began to build insecurity in me. A change needed to be made, but I didn’t know what it was. Until, I started being more vulnerable and “blowing the horn,” with my church family.
19 Then I explained to the nobles and officials and all the people, “The work is very spread out, and we are widely separated from each other along the wall. 20 When you hear the blast of the trumpet, rush to wherever it is sounding. Then our God will fight for us!” - Nehemiah 4:19-20 NLT
Once I started to accept my weakness, I humbly began to cultivate a new rhythm. Fully accepting that I’m not the woman I once was and it’s okay to mourn her and move on. I gave myself more grace and believed that whatever I brought to the table, the LORD would redeem and make great. Trusting that his strength would be perfected in my weakness… and plot twist… it was.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9 ESV
So where am I now?
I’m in a season of simplifying, trusting and obeying. A season where I say yes to things that terrify me. A season where I stop using the excuses “I’m still new in my walk,” or “I haven’t read the entire Bible, how could I be a leader.” A season where I perfect the basics (love God, love people, and do something about it *hehehe I stole my church’s lingo). I’m not trying to be a theologian with 10+ years of knowledge under their belt or someone who can memorize whole chapters of the Bible (maybe one day!). I'm just trying to be Amber, a severely imperfect, sinful human who desires a relationship with the LORD, and although she falls short… is trying!What’s my encouragement for you?
To examine your life and faith and simplify. Accept that you are weak and it is that LORD that strengthens you– there is freedom in that. Boast about your weakness!Read and reflect on 2 Corinthians 12
Pray
Heavenly father, thank you for your provision and care towards me. Thank you for sustaining me in times of doubt and worry. I pray that you will reveal areas of my life that need to be simplified. LORD, help me to rest in you and your strength. Help me to accept and boast about my weaknesses so that your strength may be seen. In Jesus’ name, AmenBe blessed xx
